The Dumbest Images In PrintMaster's Library


Bells and Wedding

      "Hey honey, guess what? We don't need to buy wedding invitations! We can print them out ourselves!" Great, except that there's no way that ever happened. No woman would ever allow her husband-to-be to make homemade invitations with PrintMaster when they could have really nice looking ones designed and printed by a professional. A wedding is supposed to be a classy fucking event, and PrintMaster wedding invitations are about as classy as the F-Bomb I dropped in the first half of this sentence.



      Congratulations on your new baby. We hang out with a lot of the same people, but I've never really liked you all that much, so I didn't feel it necessary to buy you an ACTUAL card. Also, poker night will be at Bill's house, a week from Thursday. See you there.



      There are exactly fourteen animal images in PrintMaster's library. One of them is a unicorn. That's great, if you like unicorns. But what if you wanted a graphic to put on the cover of your second grade report on cows? You'd be out of luck, because the spot that could have been given to the cow graphic was instead awarded to an animal that doesn't even fucking exist.



      It is a rare occasion in this life that you would need a graphic of a frog. It is an even rarer occasion that you would need a graphic of a frog wearing a dress shirt, dinner jacket, and checkered pants. What in the hell were they thinking?


Cowboy Boot

      I suspect this cowboy boot belongs to that fucking frog. Seriously though, the boot was included in the hopes it would entice the owners of Austin's largest cowboy boot emporium, Allens Boots, to buy a copy of PrintMaster. It didn't work.



      I cannot find any information that indicates Kyocera that officially licensed Godzilla from Toho for inclusion in PrintMaster, making his usage super illegal. And while I usually love copyright infringement as much as the next guy, that's a pretty fucking awful Godzilla. Where the hell are his dorsal fins?


Dots, Lines, and Squiggles

      These are ugly, uninspired graphics that were included to pad out the fucking image library. If you had to, you could find uses for all the other images featured above, but not these ones. These images are so incredibly fucking bland and pointless that it's almost like Kyocera is daring you to find a way to use them. If you can find any use at all for any of these dots, lines, of squiggles, I'll give you a very special prize. That prize is hepatitis.

Copyright © 2009 Syd Lexia. All Rights Reserved. This is