PrintMaster Plus 2.0: The Borders

      Sometimes a card or poster needs a little something extra to make it extra awesome, and that something is a hideous fucking border. Well, PrintMaster Plus has you covered with over ten exciting designs. And by "over ten", I mean exactly eleven. Want more? Then you'll have to buy Kyocera's Fonts & Borders expansion disk. But honestly, these eleven designs are all you'll ever need. I mean, shit, you've got a thick line, a narrow line, a faux wooden frame, and a pathetic Modern mess of lines and squares titled Nouveau. There's also got a border called Paper that lets you pretend you're printing your poster on a piece of paper by adding a simulated shadow to it. Which is great, except that YOU ACTUALLY ARE PRINTING YOUR FUCKING POSTER ON A PIECE OF PAPER. The pictures above are sample areas that PrintMaster shows you when you're selecting a border. The problem is, all they show you is a small section of the right-hand side and the corners. This isn't a problem for most of the borders, since you logically conclude how most of these borders will turn out, but the Cars border actually features a different car along each edge:


      I would imagine that if your sensibilities are such that you'd be inclined to use such a garish design, you really won't care that each side has a different car on it. But still, wouldn't it be nice if PrintMaster gave you some sort of fucking indication as to what you're getting yourself into other than a badly compressed preview of the entire project? Even worse than this is the Christmas border, which features Santa's sleigh and eight reindeer along the top, and an idyllic winter scene below. Speaking of which, why the fuck is there a special border just for Christmas? If you're only going to give me eleven borders, I want borders I can use all year long. Not that I'd ever use any of these borders. The lace one would be kinda cute if I was ten and decided to print out my own Valentine's Day cards for school instead of buying Ninja Turtles ones, but other than that, these are all fucking useless. Ants? ANTS? When the fucking hell am I ever going to use an ant border? There's only one possible solution:


It's just not the same with the Christmas border. You might even say that it borders on retarded. HA! HA! HA!

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