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AncientAtBirth
Joined: Apr 01 2008
Posts: 67
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Moe: If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt!
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Homer: "Hey! That thing you keep calling me...."
Artie: "Ignoramus?"
Homer "....it means I'm stupid, doesn't it?!"
Artie: "There is a difference between stupidity and ignorance."
Homer: "Not to me, there isn't!"
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Marge: "Doesn't the Bible say, 'that which you do unto the least of my brethren, you do unto me?'"
Homer: "Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, 'thou shalt not take moochers into thy.... hut?'"
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Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Post office worker: "Alright Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
Homer: "I don't know."
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Lisa: Isn't it a coincidence that the same day Uuter disappears, we have a new meal on the menu called "Uuterbraten?"
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Rev. Lovejoy: Everybody's saying "Gabbo this" and "Gabbo that, " why isn't anybody saying "Worship this" and "Jericho that"?!
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Revered Lovejoy: Mmmyello?
Ned: Reverend...ah..oodley... Simpson children... d-d-iddley... bap-baptism... ah oddley ah, d-ah, ah DOODLEY DOODLEY!
Reverend: Mmmlisten Ned, have you ever considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
*hangs up phone*
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Homer: "When Marge first told me she was joining the police academy, I thought it was gonna be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie...Spaceballs. But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie Police Academy."
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Homer: "Could I have the phone book for Hokido, Japan please?"
Librarian: "Here you go. The phone book for Hokido, Japan."
Homer: "Thank you. May I use your phone?"
Librarian: "Is it a local call?"
Homer: "N..... yes."
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ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
Posts: 2752
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Homer: "No, beer bring pain!"
Bart: "It's like some chemical's cut one"
I'll think of more later . . .
Ned: "Mur-diddly-urder!!!"
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Black Zarak
Title: Big Coffin Hunter
Joined: Feb 01 2006
Location: Phyrexia
Posts: 4098
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Rod: "But you said a stork brought me."
Ned: "That was just God in another form."
Rod: "So where do baby storks come from?"
Ned: "There are no storks! It's all God!"
Todd, kneeling in front of a stuffed stork: "Please bless mommy and daddy and..."
Ned: "Stop praying to that stork!"
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Dr. Hibbert: "This accident was a real wake up call to me! From now on, I'm going to keep my eyes on the road and off my Kool and the Gang air freshener...celebration's over fellas..."
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Big Daddy: "You know boys, we have a sayin' down here on the bayou that- BLEAHHH!" ::as he throws Ralph at Wiggum and Skinner::
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Marge: "'Simpson Gene'? That's just foolishness!"
Grandpa: "Nooo, baldness too!"
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Homer: "What happened to the last Safety Salamander?"
Skinner: "Uhh, he fell asleep in the suit and suffocated..."
Homer: "I can do that!"
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Agnes Skinner: "Seymour! The house is on fire!"
Skinner: "No mother, it's just the Northern Lights."
So many more, I could write pages.
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REVIEWS, LEGOS, NONSENSE Check out Zarak's Barracks!
"Let that be a lesson to you, your family and everyone you've ever known..."
"Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!" |
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jprime
Title: Ex-GameWinners
Joined: Jan 27 2008
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 6877
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Bart: "Who knew guys in brown shirts could cause so much trouble?"
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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Forgive me if it's not correct but I couldn't find it quoted anywhere
Moe: I just read that 93% of all car accidents are caused by you 4 guys.
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 Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Facts are meaningless, you can use so called "facts" to prove virtually anything.
-Homer
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Tyop
Title: Grammar Nazi
Joined: May 04 2008
Location: Sauerkrautland
Posts: 1414
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"Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him."
"A woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You gotta drink another woman!"
"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star."
"Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs."
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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"Dad, you just killed the zombie Flanders"
"He was a zombie?"
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 Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Gantrithor
Title: Big Sexy
Joined: Jul 22 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 295
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Willie: "It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!"
Principal Skinner: "You Scots sure are a contentious people."
Willie: "You just made an enemy for life!"
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[A group of executives discuss casting the role of Radioactive Man in a new film.]
Old Executive: "I don't see why Rainier Wolfcastle should be the star. I think we should bring back Dirk Richter. Kids will want to see the original Radioactive Man."
Producer: "I keep telling you, he's 73 years old and he's dead."
Old Executive: "Granted, but-"
Director: "Besides, we want to stay as far away from the campy 70s version as possible."
[A clip from the "campy 70s version" plays.]
Fallout Boy: "Billowing backpacks, Radioactive Man! It's the worst villain of them all! The Scout Master!"
Radioactive Man: "I see him, Fallout Boy."
Scout Master: "Go get 'em, scouts!" "Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!"
[Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy beat up all the scouts, accompanied by sound-effects such as "Zap" and "Pow" shown on-screen. Then some girls in midriff tops, short skirts, and go-go boots enter, all the Scouts get up, and everyone starts dancing. Back in the office, the Director shudders at the memory.]
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[To interrupt the wedding ceremony and help his friend, Homer puts on a giant elephant head, trying to dress up as Ganesha.]
Homer [thundering]: I am the god Ganeish! This wedding angers me! All will die unless it is stopped!
[The wedding guests aren't impressed.]
Apu [smacks forehead]: Oh god!
Homer: Please listen to me! Ooooooh!
Wedding Guest [speaking in Hindi]: You are not Ganesha! Ganesha is graceful!
[Homer screams.]
Homer: Stop chasing Ganeish! You're just going to get more wrath! [He hides behind a tree.]
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ged1928
Title: A new hope
Joined: Apr 24 2008
Location: Portsmouth, NH
Posts: 292
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"And if I were to be killed, Marge would be available for man or machine." Homer, to an evil computer a la 2001: A Space Odyssey.
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Pixelponny
Joined: Jul 18 2008
Location: Turkey
Posts: 34
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(on the phone) Ned Flander: Reverent Lovejoy diddly, the Simpsons kids doodly, baptisim, didly....doodly doodly!!
Lovejoy: Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions? They are pretty much the same.
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Bart Simpson: Dad, what is mind? Is it just a system of impulses? Or is it something tangible?
Homer: Relax. What is mind ? No matter. What is matter ? Nevermind.
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Resurrected Lenin: MUST CRASH...CAPITALISM
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Shut up, Dorn
Title: White Chocolate
Joined: Jan 04 2008
Location: Grate Whyte Norf
Posts: 1179
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Some Guy: "You can deep fry a buffalo in 40 seconds"
Homer: "Aww, but I want it now!"
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24883
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(Lisa and Bart have been using Abe's name to sell their Itchy & Scratchy scripts)
Lisa: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing?
Grandpa: I just assumed the Democrats were back in power.
Lisa: Nuke the whales!? You can't possibly believe that.
Nelson:</b I dunno. Gotta nuke something.
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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Homer: If Marge marries Artie, then I'll never be born.
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 Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Laminated Sky
Title: Extra Crispy
Joined: Feb 25 2008
Location: Etobicoke
Posts: 885
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Homer: I know I look happy in the last picture, but that's just because the cat fell down the stairs.
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Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
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 I'm so bananas I'm showing up to your open casket,
to fill it up with explosive gases,
and close it back,
with a lit match in it,
while I sit back, and just hope it catches.
Blow you to fragments,
laugh,
roll you, and smoke the ashes.
http://history.sydlexia.com/index.php?title=Laminated_Sky
Signature subject to change without notice. |
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Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 5228
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Ralph: Look Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy!
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Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food
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Ralph: I bent my wookie
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Kernie (however it's spelled): My divorce was tough on my kid too, but he got over it
Kernie's son: I sleep in a drawer!
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Grandpa: Let's see, I'm a mason, a communist, I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason...
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Smithers: Um, they liken you to some sort of ogre sir.
Mr Burns: What? Why I'll club them and grind their bones into my stew!
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Lovematic Grandpa: Tell her her rump is as big as the queen's! And twice as fragrant!
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Marge: I've never been somewhere so nice! I keep expecting to get the bums' rush.
Hank Scorpio: We don't have bums here, and if we did they wouldn't rush. They'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
Like everyone else, I could write volumes.
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dr.jeebus.sydlexia.com - Updated sometimes, but on hiatus!
UsaSatsui wrote: |
The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Almost anything Mr Burns says can go here.
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ged1928
Title: A new hope
Joined: Apr 24 2008
Location: Portsmouth, NH
Posts: 292
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Homer yelling at Bart: "Why the hell do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies, for fun?"
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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Cletus: HEY KIDS! WE EATIN DINNER TONIGHT! CMON!
Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dillan, Dermit, Jordan, Tailor, Brittney, Wesley, Rumor, Skyle, Cassidy, Zoe, Cloe, Max, Hunter, Kendel, Katelyn, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ean, Lauren, Kubert, Phil!
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S. McCracken
Moderator
Title: Enforcer
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2171
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It's Scout, not Skyle. The in-joke is that Rumer and Scout are the names of Bruce Willis/Demi Moore's kids.
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Black Zarak
Title: Big Coffin Hunter
Joined: Feb 01 2006
Location: Phyrexia
Posts: 4098
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Burns: "You call this a super-computer!"
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Homer: "Well, I quit my job to become an inventor,just like you said!"
Marge: "I never said that!"
Homer: "Yes you did, I remember it clearly; you said to quit my job and become an inventor or you'd burn the house down."
Marge: "That doesn't sound like me..."
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Homer: "Marge, if I die on that operating table, I want you to promise me something."
Marge: "Oh, anything sweety."
Homer: "Burn the hospital down!"
Marge: "Well, I said I'd do it..."
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Grandpa: "Can't get a good sasparilla like this in Springfield, angries up the blood."
Bartender: "You like em' huh?"
Grandpa: "Up yours!"
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Homer: "Hey robot! Get your fat, metal ass down here!"
Bartender: "I'm not a robot and I got this metal ass in Nam, defending the freedom of punks like you."
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REVIEWS, LEGOS, NONSENSE Check out Zarak's Barracks!
"Let that be a lesson to you, your family and everyone you've ever known..."
"Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!" |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24883
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Moe: I'm gonna shove sausages down your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt.
Ralph: And then the doctor said BOTH my eyes were lazy, and that's why this was the best summer ever!
Ralph: That's where I met the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.
Homer: The Simpons are getting a horse!
Comic Book Guy: I believe the Simpsons already had a horse, forcing Homer to take a second job at the Kwik-E-Mart, with hilarious results.
Homer: Does anyone care what this guy says?
Crowd: No!
Oh, and no one's mentioned....
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
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Tyop
Title: Grammar Nazi
Joined: May 04 2008
Location: Sauerkrautland
Posts: 1414
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Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Marge: Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: Where'd you get all the money?
Abe: The government. I didn't earn it. I don't need it. But if they miss one payment, I'll raise hell.
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ged1928
Title: A new hope
Joined: Apr 24 2008
Location: Portsmouth, NH
Posts: 292
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The old standby: "It tastes like burning!"
or
"It tastes like Grandma!"
"Hey, wait a minute, this does taste like Grandma!"
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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Lisa: Dad, you can't drive without a license
Homer: We'll have to try anyway. *starts car* It works! It's a miracle!
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 Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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