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Favorite Simpsons lines/passages


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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 03:49 am Reply with quote Back to top

Mr. Burns: For god sakes, man. Use an open-faced club. The sand wedge.
Homer: Mmmmm... open-faced club sandwich.


Klimbatize wrote:
I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load

 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 06:46 am Reply with quote Back to top

"No beer and no TV make Homer something something"
"Go crazy?"
"DON'T MIND IF I DO!"
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� &#8
Joined: May 11 2008
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 02:31 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?


Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom.
 
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SSNintendo
Title: Likes to Blow Sh*t Up
Joined: Oct 14 2006
Location: Virginia
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 02:47 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Audience boos Mr. Burns' film.

Burns: Smithers, are they booing me?
Smithers: No, they're saying... "Boo-urns. Boo-urns."
Burns: Are you saying Boo.. or Boo-urns?

Audience boos louder.

Moleman: I was saying Boo-urns

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bart: Hello, Mr.... Kurns. I bad want money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Lisa: Dad, how can you work for a man like Mr. Burns?
Homer: Well, he's not all bad. He did send me this nice thank you card.
Lisa: reading card "Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie." Dad, this doesn't have your name on it.
Homer looks closely at the card, then lowers it slowly. Absolute fury is in his eyes.
Homer: Kids, would you step outside for a second?
Bart and Lisa run out.
Homer F--
A church organ plays a chord, blotting out his voice; birds fly away; everyone stops.
Flanders: Dear Lord! That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 03:03 pm Reply with quote Back to top

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones." - Abe Simpson



 
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� &#8
Joined: May 11 2008
PostPosted: Aug 16 2008 03:11 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.
-------------------
Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.


Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom.
 
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ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
PostPosted: Aug 19 2008 06:15 pm Reply with quote Back to top

The Goggles! THEY do NOTHING!

Most folk 'ill never eat a skunk but then again some folk 'ill

like cledus the slack jawed yokel


ImageImageImage
Links, pics, vids . . . I shall post these when given the chance
Transformers 2 Review: ". . . Did i mention SHIT BLOWS UP?!!!"
 
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Fortune Smiles
Title: Strangely Missing
Joined: Aug 19 2008
Location: 6:10:50
PostPosted: Aug 19 2008 10:19 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I forget the episode, but in it Chief Wiggum says something like "it's just a little peyote and carrot juice", after drinking out of a cup. That line just floored me.
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Black Zarak
Title: Big Coffin Hunter
Joined: Feb 01 2006
Location: Phyrexia
PostPosted: Aug 19 2008 11:53 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Lou: "Electric yellow's got me by the brain-banana!"


Image
REVIEWS, LEGOS, NONSENSE Check out Zarak's Barracks!

"Let that be a lesson to you, your family and everyone you've ever known..."

"Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!"
 
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Tyop
Title: Grammar Nazi
Joined: May 04 2008
Location: Sauerkrautland
PostPosted: Aug 20 2008 07:04 am Reply with quote Back to top

Lou: Hey, Chief, can I hold my gun sideways? It looks so cool.
Chief Wiggum: Sure, whatever you want, birthday boy.

Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Assistant: Up and atom.
Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Assistant: Up and ATOM.
Wolfcastle: Up and AT THEM.
Assistant: Better.



 
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Ermac
Title: Thread Killer
Joined: Aug 04 2008
Location: Outworld
PostPosted: Aug 20 2008 08:51 am Reply with quote Back to top

Homer- This is just like the time I shot Mr.Burns and pinned it on the baby


Marge- Revenge gets you no where
Homer- Well what are we still doing in Iraq then?


Image
 
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Black Zarak
Title: Big Coffin Hunter
Joined: Feb 01 2006
Location: Phyrexia
PostPosted: Aug 24 2008 02:46 am Reply with quote Back to top

Wiggam: "Way to go Lou! You hit him!"

Lou: "Hm, you say that like you're surprised."

Wiggam: "Look, I'm just trying to give you some positive reinforcement, ya jerk."

Lou: "Oh, that's real positive, calling me a jerk."

Wiggam: "That's cause you are a jerk..."


Image
REVIEWS, LEGOS, NONSENSE Check out Zarak's Barracks!

"Let that be a lesson to you, your family and everyone you've ever known..."

"Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!"
 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Sep 08 2008 08:11 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Hey Kids, See You Real Soon!

- Krusty's epitaph
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JRA
Joined: Sep 17 2007
Location: The Opium Trail
PostPosted: Sep 08 2008 09:30 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Syd Lexia wrote:
<
Oh, and no one's mentioned....

LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!
LISA NEEDS BRACES!
DENTAL PLAN!



That shit wasn't funny when I was 9 and it isn't funny now.


There are a lot of what if's in life Donny. What if I hit you really hard in the face, knocked yo shit to the back of yo skull? What if I....had you girl gargle my nuts? The fact remains, you are a fuckin mutant.
 
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mtgrnwdstar
Title: The guy from Chicago
Joined: Jun 21 2008
Location: Chicago/DeKalb, IL
PostPosted: Sep 09 2008 05:09 am Reply with quote Back to top

Homer: "Beer! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

----------------------

Homer: "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin... but what good does that do me?"

--------------------

Homer: "Hey boy. Wanna play catch?"
Bart: "No thanks, dad."
Homer: "When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father, something is definitely wrong."
Grampa: "I'll play catch with you."
Homer: "Go home."

------------------

Maude Flanders: "They were having S-E-X in front of C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N."
Krusty the Clown: "Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!"

------------------

*riding on a book caddy to hunt Moe down after escaping from jail*

Homer: "Must...kill...Moe...Whee!! Must....Kill....Moe....Whee!"

------------------

Mr. Burns: "So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend? Something gay, I expect?"
Smithers: "What?"
Mr. Burns: "You know, light and fancy free. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Smithers is on the town."
Smithers: "Oh. Of course."

------------------

Homer: "We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget - we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup."

-----------------

Homer: "Well, crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself and you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog."
Bart: "You're right!"
*Bart leaves*
Homer: "Rats, I almost had him eating dog food!"

----------------

Marge: "Church should help you with your everyday life."
Homer: "It should, but it doesn't. Now who wants to go down to the dump with me?"

---------------

I could go on for weeks.


Image
 
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Dam That River
Title: This dude abides.
Joined: Aug 30 2008
Location: Portland, OR
PostPosted: Sep 09 2008 09:06 am Reply with quote Back to top

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."


Don't feed a rabbit Trix. It will harass kids for more.
 
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Chile Guy
Title: Token Latino Otaku
Joined: Apr 14 2008
Location: Fortaleza, Brazil
PostPosted: Sep 09 2008 10:12 am Reply with quote Back to top

'The sollution of my problems aren't on the bottom of a beer bottle...they are on TV!'


Image
 
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Dam That River
Title: This dude abides.
Joined: Aug 30 2008
Location: Portland, OR
PostPosted: Sep 09 2008 06:53 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Skinner: "Curse the man who discovered helium. Curse Pierre Jules César Janssen!"


Don't feed a rabbit Trix. It will harass kids for more.
 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Oct 23 2008 11:25 am Reply with quote Back to top

Is there a chance that track could bend?
Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
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Cattivo
Joined: Apr 14 2006
Location: Lake Michigan
PostPosted: Oct 23 2008 12:18 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?


Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!



Sideshow Bob: Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king.
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WilfordBrimley
Title: Diabetic
Joined: Oct 23 2008
Location: Wherever I'm needed
PostPosted: Oct 23 2008 03:35 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Hi all, I'm new here.
---
Paul Anka: To stop those monsters 1-2-3, here's a fresh new way that's trouble free:
It's got Paul Anka's guarantee...

Lisa: Guarantee void in Tennessee!
---



 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Oct 27 2008 08:50 am Reply with quote Back to top

Lisa: I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires.
Homer: But it was worth it to get back our Super Sugar Crisp cereal. (Singing the jingle) Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp...
Marge: I'm having a hard time seeing. Homer, did you remember to put the fog lights in?
Homer: (still singing the Sugar Crisp song) Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in...
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Cattivo
Joined: Apr 14 2006
Location: Lake Michigan
PostPosted: Oct 27 2008 09:41 am Reply with quote Back to top

My original sig on these boards:

Scorpio: Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?
Homer: France.
Scorpio: Ha! Nobody ever says Italy.
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
PostPosted: Nov 03 2008 10:01 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Homer: Save me jeebus!!!!!!!
-------------------------
Homer: Hey, Whered you get that Saxaphone

random guy: Sears

Homer to his vigilanty group: GET HIM
-------------------------
Homer: Listen pal your car was upside down when we got here, and as for your grandma she shouldn't have mouthed off like that
------------------------
Homer: And then i said "kiss my asphalt"
-----------------------
homer: BART
-------------------------
Bart: kwijibo, K W I J I B O 40 points plus 50 points for using all my letters, games over im outta her

Homer: Wait you little squirt you not leaving here until you tell me what a kwijibo is

Bart: kwijibo, a big, dumb, balding, north americian ape with no chin.

Marge: and a short temper

Honer: why you little

Bart: whoa kwijibo on the loose

Triple post deleted - The Moderators



 
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Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Nov 03 2008 11:36 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Your ability to list a number of quotes, none of which are funny out of context, is uncanny.


dr.jeebus.sydlexia.com - Updated sometimes, but on hiatus!
UsaSatsui wrote:
The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus

 
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